I wanted to give an update about how the whole “Lose 50b Thing” is going. It’s both going well, and not so well. I will update in a moment.
But what I really came here to rant about, is how EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY DAILY LIFE IS DIETING. And they are for appearances sake, doing better than I am.
I’ve taken steps to bettering my physical life since January. You know, when everyone does that. I started getting produce deliveries on January 21, 2015. I saw my dietician for my first appointment on February 20th, and I saw my trainer…. about 2 weeks after that.
So we are nearly 3 months in
So far, I have lost a total of about 3.5 pounds. The scale fluctuate however it wants. My dietician tells me this is hormones at play. I wound up spending a wonderful Saturday night in the local emergency room two weeks ago. I was going to blog all about the adventure of an urban hospital on a Saturday night. Eh, but I never got around to it.
No one worry. After 5 hours, a $100 copay, and thousands of dollars of tests (hopefully) covered by my insurance, I am a “Very Healthy 30-something” Well, Hooray. And by the way, unlike my general doctor, this ER physician said NOTHING about my overweightedness. How kind. And he was kind. He patted my head as I left. Because I drove myself there and back, so as not to ruin anyone’s Saturday night.
But they weighed me. In Kilograms. Because that’s fancy. I immediately had to Google that shit. But I was happy. The scale read lower. That following Wednesday, I saw my dietician for our regular appointment. Scale, back up! I wanted to argue with her. She made such face! “You are arguing six tenths of a pound here!”
Here’s why I am arguing and why I am really here today: My boss shared with me today that he is dieting, and he has cut NEARLY 100% of all carbohydrates. Basically, if there is a carb in a food that he can find, he’s not eating it He then shared he;s been doing this for 3 weeks, and has lost TWENTY POUNDS.
I hate all you men for this. My dietician and I had a long discussion about Men and their LACK OF HORMONES and more muscle that makes this so much easier. My best friend is male, and he won $1,100 in 2013 for being the Biggest Loser among all his guy friends that went into a money pool. He’s very money motivated. 🙂
He also gained every pound back as soon as be bought a wine fridge with $1,100.
My “other boss”– they team-Lead our department, mentions at least once a day that he does not own a microwave. That’s not healthy for food. He also only eats cage-free eggs bought from the Farmer’s Market once a week, and eats no red meat.
Last week I pretty much stuck my big foot right in the old mouth. It really came from a place of where I am tonight. I am just fed up with all of this. But I said, “Are you sure you don’t have an eating disorder?” Really, how insensitive can I get?
But he responded. “Well, I sort of used to… yes..”
My friend-at-work is selling and taking the next diet pill/potion of the future. Seven weeks on a daily pill and potion, and she has lost 21 pounds. And because she is selling it, with a HIGHLY social media focus, its all over social media. Seriously, I may need to hide her posts soon.
Because it’s not FDA approved at all, I am NOT convinced there is not some sort of meth or cocaine in it. How else would a drink a day get you those results? And by the way, she would tell you she is sleeping better than ever before, she is happier, no headaches, her baby never fusses….
So I am nearing the end of one of the most competitive processes of my whole career. I am in the last round for a significant job advancement. To my knowledge, I have close to 100 competitors Company-wide.
I have a very nice suit, that was very expensive. Okay, well, it wasn’t. I bought it Majorly on sale. 🙂 I paid maybe 1/3 of what it was retail. Discontinued or something, but its awesome. It’s a very expensive brand, and it still was an investment on my credit card at the time. Three months ago, I knew I had a problem when I couldn’t even come close to zipping the pants. You know how when the fabric just won’t meet because your belly is in the way?? Welcome to my world.
It really was then, that day when I was feeling confident enough to wear a VERY nice suit to the office, and that it was not even a remote possibility, that I said to myself, “Dude, you have a problem.” I bought that only 10 months ago, and it (although size up) fit like a glove. Myr sister cried when she saw me try it on. Well, she said, “Theres something in my eye.. ” Baby sister all growed up. (She was proud of me. Maybe).
Anyway, here’s the raw details that no one knows. I;ve made “Some” progress. The only weighing I am doing is with the dietician (and that one night in the Emergency Room). This is good for me, and what I need, because don’t I sound CRAZY ENOUGH ALREADY?! But if you would look at me, the sad reality, is I still look like I am somewhere in the second trimester of pregnancy. My stomach is round, and protrudes, and I can’t button my pants a lot of the time. In fact, I am still wearing maternity tank tops most days, because my belly won’t stay under my tops and within my pants.
And just if anyone is wondering, THERE IS NO BABY IN THERE. AT ALL. OKAY. For MULTIPLE REASONS. NONE.
I mean, I am really… sad. And discouraged. And angry at myself, that I waited so long to make things right. Is there room on my credit card that I could go and buy something before this final interview scheduled in 10 days from today? Yes. Do I want to do that? No. Should I have to do that?
My sister said to wear Spanx. Someone else said, “Just work out every day for the next two weeks.(when I had two weeks and not 10 days) and you’ll get to wear you need to be.”
I am scared.
And yet, I thought I was doing everything the so-called “right” way. I got human support. I called in reinforcements. I got a trainer and a dietician for heaven’s sake! I know only one other person doing both of those things,and that’s because I referred her to BOTH people to prepare for her wedding. ** I am not doing pills, or potions, or throwing up, or starving myself for days on end.. and yet I am really not making MUCH measurable progress here. My clothes are still uncomfortable. I am not getting into anything in my closet that I have “Saved til I get back in it”. Mostly because I can’t bear to part with it.
if it’s not obvious, internally, my feelings of pills, and potions,and 0% carbs is CHEATING. You’re short-cutting it.
**side note… this same individual approached me just today. She made that first appointment with the dietician,and went running in there, “Sarah referred me.. You know her. You see her. She said you are the best”.
I don’t know why this came as such as surprise, (I am obviously freely talking about it) but the dietician basically cited HIPAA and said she couldn’t confirm or deny she was seeing me at all. This is not an issue for me at all.. but I feel really good about that! Good for her. Somehow I didn’t think she had to hold to those stringent guidelines. Way to protect my identity and my privacy.
Bottom line, I feel like my whole world is filled with people’s diet and exercise talk. I mean, be proud of yourself, I am. I biked 16 miles in one hour tonight, and burned 400 calories. Im proud of that. But LETS ALSO HAVE OTHER INTERESTS.
I am stressed out enough as it is. I just don’t want to be bombarded by it anymore, not until I can feel that all I am doing is having any effect. And I don’t care what the dietician said on April 1st. That I had lost 1.2% body fat, and gained 2.5% muscle. Not important to me when my pants are still tight.
I just need to get into that suit for about 10 hours or so. Tonight, I honestly don’t care what happens after that. Because I leave for an annual vacation two days later. While I won’t go hog-wild on vacation with eating, and SURELY lack of exercise, I will enjoy myself.