Category Archives: Remember-When…..

Just Write– Second Edition

Oh look, here I am again. It must be important.

And it is.

I have at least a few thoughts tonights topic.

I am here to announce OPERATION LOSE 20lbs, or ‘Let’s Get This Fat Ass In Shape 2011″.

I know I’ve added on the pounds for a while. Slowly creeping up since sometime in 2009. I suddenly needed a bigger size  pair of jeans one day. And then there was…. well, then there was a little life incident in 2010..  Now, there wasn’t a ton of weight added there, it was mostly like being bloated.  And needless to say,  it was so fleeting. But the scale didn’t really go down after that either.  I recall beginning a committed lifestyle plan a month or two after that. A good friend had shown me two different apps for the iPhone where you can track your calories and food, and add in your fitness.  I know I was feeling heavy, but that was probably more my heart and soul then my body. My employer helps to subsidize a local gym membership as part of their benefits package. So I jumped on board with that. Besides, working out has great benefits other than just losing pounds and inches.  It helps ease stress, depression, helps you sleep better. Hey wait… all of those benefits could help me out!  Sign me up!

I have a theory about why I’ve been slowly packing on the pounds since about that time. I didn’t gain or lose more than 5 pounds from the age of 17-27. For a few years in high-school and college,I was an octo-lacto vegetarian. This was less about PETA and love the animals, and more about being able to control what would and would not go into my mouth.  Because I had really no control over any other area of my life at that time. MAJOR SERIOUS ISSUES. But thank God I was never bulimic or anorexic at that time as those are horrible diseases that are barely escapable.  And you know, “Heroin Chic” with Kate Moss as the spokeswoman was really in, and Kate Moss made heroin look really cool. And recreational. Also, she was super skinny. Anyway, around 2009, I stopped taking medications that I had taken for years earlier. Most with a stimulating effect. Some people gain tons of weight on medication, and a few lose. I only briefly lost weight on a really awesome off-label medication, but I think it helped to maintain my lower weight

I was super committed with the gym  for a while. I was going 3-5 times a week. Getting in the pool, swimming laps, climbing the stairs, and doing a lot of cycling.  Also really enjoying the heat sauna afterwards. You’re probably thinking,

You paid to go sit in a heat sauna? Why don’t you sit on your bed at home in the dead of the summer.. or on random days in mid October… same diff?

And to that I would say—TOUCHE. But it’s different…The sauna is relaxing. And it smells like cedar.

But I digress..

So I went for a while. I made excellent workout playlists on my iPod, I found the days/hours  when the gym is empty. I even tried a few gyms in different neighborhoods until I found my favorite . But then in October 2010 I took a promotion at work. A promotion that kicked my ass for about the first four months. Those first three months I didn’t know which end was up by the end of the day. I would slump into the seat of the shuttle each day that drove to the parking lot and try to recover for the next day.  Good friends of mine had a relationship trauma at this time as well, and I was on the front lines of helping both process what the hell was going on.

What am I saying here? My gym membership and I are not exactly BFF. I don’t have a lot of endurance. There is a bit of preparation that goes into going to the gym. You need the gym bag, the lock, the water, the emergency snack for later.. As far as I am concerned, you need to pack a carry-on for one session. And when it comes to endurance, I would go, workout for 30-45 minutes, and then feel tired. I would try to push myself thru it and keep going, but I could only cycle thru that so many times. Many of my friends also have memberships to the same gym, but no one can ever go at the same time. Or in the case of someone in my life right now, the moment you get the workout inspiration seriously, they are done with that phase, and are no longer working out. Or let their membership expire.  Awesome.

And so this fitness company has gotten some substantial automatic funds from me this past year for not a lot of gain  no gain on my end. Or maybe TWENTY POUNDS OF GAIN.

The last few months, I have been bummed out with how I am looking in the mirror. And I don’t mean my face. I mean this belly I see in the mirror. Several times I’ve gone to zip my pants when getting ready for work to find they just aren’t going to coöperate. It’s a little less than sexy.  I’ve known I should be doing something about it. On a couple of occasions now people have asked me if I am expecting. Which, at my age, is more affecting then funny.  But it’s easier to laugh and just keep it light. I admit that somewhere not quite at the surface, I would be cool with gaining some extra  pounds if it meant that a healthy little bean was swimming around inside. I would wear it like a badge of honor.

Fast forward to this week.  I got a biometric screening done. TWENTY POUNDS OVER WEIGHT. Not only that, a BMI that is in the Fair/Poor rating category.  What the….what?!

Excuse me? I am an “A” student. I don’t get Fair/Poor ratings!

So let’s talk about my diet.“Well, what are you eating? Are you eating healthy? Are you eating crap everyday? Maybe that’s why you’re fat!” 

This is where I get really pissed.

I work really HARD to eat healthy. I believe in it passionately. My grocery bills are bigger than yours—I promise (assuming you are single and buying for one).  Every time I get my grocery total—EVERY TIME— I think to myself. “Man, these grocery bills are getting ridiculous..”   I make weekly visits, even. Because nearly all the food I purchase is fresh.  I quickly stifle my economic worry by reminding myself that I pack lunch every day for work. I rarely eat out unless I am starving and not home, or it’s a social occasion.  And I am buying HEALTHY FOOD. Mostly raw food as well. Tons of vegetables, yogurt, some leaner proteins—I eat a lot  often eat fish actually as my physician calls it brain healthy food.

But most recently I have discovered raw vegan green smoothies. Which are basically some kiwis, and a bunch of green veggies (brocooli, celery,kale, parsley, wheat grass, barley grass and green algae).  I try to have one every morning, because I find that I feel better during the day after I have one. More alertness or energy or something. I think I could even characterize my diet as like 20% vegan. I voluntarily consume a lot of vegan products, not because their vegan, but just because they are the choices I am making.

But I don’t have the patience or the time, or the resources to be completely vegan. I know a 20-somthing that is getting FOOD STAMPS to subsidize her vegan diet, and that is governmental fraud if you ask me. I have to pay for your soy cheese?

I watch a lot of what other people eat. In a way, you could say…. I am judging what you eat. But it’s because I feel sorry for you. I want to guide you to better choices. I want you to want more for yourself.  One coworker of mine comes into work every day with an entire LITER of Mountain Dew. Have you seen that Diane Sawyer special? Mountain Dew Mouth?  Teeth BATHED in Sugar water all day??  Sometimes alongside of that she has a Venti size frappa-mochachino with whipped cream on top. A MILKSHAKE, OKAY at eight o’clock in the morning!  And then from the diner across the street, I regularly sit next to her as she consumes some fried foods, with some more battered friend foods on side.  I feel sorry for them really. I believe that you only get one body. You have to treat it well. I really believe this. Now.

I am to the point now that when I eat fast food.. I feel awful afterwards. Tired, crampy.. it’s really not  worth it.

YET I HAVE 20 POUNDS TO LOSE, and am rocking 29% bodyfat. (they tell me my bodyfat should be around 20%).

So, I am at the mall today. And while I am trying on item after item, I am just fixated on how I have “let myself go”.  I found a stretch mark, yo! Bulges that show thru the clothes…. terrible.

Maybe it was the stores I was shopping in, but woman after woman that came into the dressing room, when asking for another size asked for a DOUBLE ZERO.  The fact that there is a size this small blows my mind. I know I’ve discussed this before in this space. Double Zero– dead???

We often discuss “Standards of Beauty?”  Is that the standard in this image-obsessed affluent culture?

This size is on the racks in seeming abundance and it’s repeatedly asked for by woman after woman in these stores. Meanwhile, I am lucky to find my size anymore in my two favorite clothing stores. If I do find it…. it’s the pair  at the very back, or the blouse completely at the bottom of the stack.

Lets say you’re a Double Zero size and you drop 5 pounds from a stressful month at work. WHERE DO YOU GO FROM THERE?  BabyGap???

Anyway, this week I embark on the 1st of five sessions with a personal trainer. I am committed to going 2-3X per week  And I begin to start logging everything I put in my mouth. WHICH I THOUGHT WERE THE RIGHT THINGS.  I can’t wait to see how he’s going to restrict my food in some way.


How did this all come to be?  I hope to log my progress (and probably plenty of whining) here.



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Crossbreed between “What’s Happening” and a 1980’s Big Mac Ad..

Is what you get when you go scanning the “Digital Music” 1980’s channel at 4:00AM.. I just had a major 1980’s flashback.

These do happen to me with some frequency.But every single moment they happen, I immediately want to dash to the phone and call Amy. After all, she was my god and idol as a little girl. I wanted to be her. Even down to the only seven-year old on the block carrying a purse and wearing magenta lipstick. Okay.. I’ll even embarrass both of us by saying I even walked her to the bus-stop in my pajamas when she was in the 8th grade… just in case I was to dare miss something. Sorry sis. I know there are mountains of things you still haven’t forgiven me for.

And by the time I turned 13..I had mostly gotten my wish of becoming her. Had you known me then, I guess I can say that if you pray for something hard enough, God eventually lets you have it.

Anyway.. I always want to rush to the phone and call my sister. This is because she is a human archive and vault of every pop, R&B song to ever come out of the decade known as the 1980’s. True.. she’s not a total historian. Our family mercilessly taunted her that she once thought as an 11th grader that Reagan was still in office. (Ths was in 1991). She never saw much need for politics, news, or current events. IF you polled her today, she might be able to recognize the name “Obama” but probably doesn’t know his Republican competitor. She probably also couldn’t find Darfur even on the correct continent.

But if ever need her to identify a pop-band or R&B group from the 1980’s… I’ll be damn if she isn’t my woman! Definitely my “phone-a-friend” lined up back in the days of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire”. There is typically never a song she doesn’t remember, or can’t spontaneously come up with the lyrics and a finger-snapping rhythm. It always makes me smile.

Accompanied with every 1980’s flashback I ever have is a scanning view of the interior of the home I grew up in until age seven. The home I was born into. The one with the shag brown carpeting in the living room, the orange shag carpeting up in “the den”, the puke green shag carpeting in my bedroom coupled with the green “munchkin” wallpaper on the walls. That was the ugliest room in history. Even in kindergarten when I finally got my wish of putting up the “pastel hearts” border on the ceiling… it still didn’t help much. The room was pathetic. I always thought my parents hoped I was a boy. In actuality.. I was born 3 months ahead of schedule. They hardly had a baby-room ready when I made completely unexpected appearance. To say that my bedroom wasn’t a rush and a :”throw-together” wasn’t really a lie. The laundry room that we added on and remodeled. the finished basement that my dad had built himself.. complete with wet bar and a gigantic pool table. I am not sure if an actual game of “pool” every got played on that table. I remember sitting on it and playing on top of it alot though. The tiny play-room in the back where I was forced by my sister to play the role of endless tortured “student” while she lorded over me as the “teacher”. When I got smarter by about age six, I began to protest that I did not want to be the student, but instead be the “school nurse”,

Finally, in exasperation.. she yelled at me.. “YOU CAN”T BE THE NURSE!! YOU ARE THE ONLY STUDENT!!!..”

Our mom happened to be present for this exasperated moment. It would be a memorable one, and we would laugh about it for years and years to come.

Funny how character and futures turn out: I have a love and a future in health-care.. and 25 years later.. my sister is a certified teacher with her own classroom of special-ed elementary students. I also have a hard time letting anyone boss me around even today!

We moved out of that house in March 1988. I was three-quarters thru the 1st grade. You would think when your life only spanned 7 short years, I wouldn’t have so many memories of that house, but they are sewn in my soul.

In short, this is a song that until fifteen minutes ago, I don’t think I have heard this song since 1986 at the age of five years old. Pulled waaaaaaaay out of the recesses of my memory. But isn’t it funny that music can do that to you? It can be 20 years since you’ve heard a tune, but it can come back to you in milliseconds.

Here is the song, wonderfully preserved forever on youtube

I love you sister. Even though I can’t even really say I am any part of your life, I do love you. You have made me so much of who I am today.

***Isn’t this video shot on the same set as later NBC television Sitcom227″? with Marla Gibbs and Jackee Harry??”

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Filed under Authenticity, Family, Life, Music, Photos, Relationships, Remember-When.....

Lets Go Boys!: Game II, 2008 NBA Finals.

I’ve got front row Armchair seats tonight! You know where to find me from 6:00PM to about 8:30 or so.  We need a win, boys! I’ve got Barbecued Baked Lays®™ chips and Papa Johns®™.  (Probably bleaching the kitchen during the commercials..).

This brings back memories of the Laker’s being in the same place eight years ago in 2000. Although after the big win,  our only in LA fans came out strong.  So, just as I may want to speculate if the Laker’s will win it again.. I have a hunch this might all happen again too…

10,000 fans massed outside Staples Center to watch the action on a big screen during the Game 6 NBA Finals match up between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Indiana Pacers. The Lakers would win a hard fought 116-111 victory to capture their first title in 12 years. The real fan fun would shortly begin immediately thereafter.

Things started tame enough. Just a few bonfires here and there to burn a little Pacers gear. Some innocent debris throwing at the limousines parked in front of the arena soon followed. Why not? All the rich and privileged front runners got to enjoy the win inside the arena. Why can’t your average fan who can’t afford to fork over several hundred dollars for a seat have some fun outside? By all means, smash some television news vans, torch some police cars, terrorize any car that comes along that tries to steer away from your celebration by jumping upon them and punching their windows out.

Meanwhile inside Staples, tens of thousands paying fans remain trapped because it has been deemed too dangerous to leave. Among them is A.C. Green. All the Laker player can do is stand on the floor with reporters hours after winning the championship wondering when he can just go home, let alone celebrate. The Pacers couldn’t go anywhere either, for the team bus was barred by police from leaving. No major foul guys.  After all, isn’t tonight all about you?!

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Not Sure I Can Title This:

February 1985.

bowel-haircuts AND matching sweaters!  The wrongness knew no boundaries in our family.

Actually, I think I am submitting this photo to work. On our Main HUB site at work, they have a rotating photo collage of Cast Members along with family and friends enjoying some part of the Show that we work so hard to put on all over the world.

If my sister Amy knew I was even considering doing this…she’d probably put a hit out for my life.

Really though!… Bowel haircuts wasn’t freakish enough?! We had to all have matching sweaters too?!!! Vaguely it looks like our jeans even match…

Is it just me.. or were the 80’s as visually ugly as I remember them to be?!

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A New First.

Well, I am trying the Instead Soft Cup™. I want it to work and change my life..but I am bracing myself for a huge ugly mess. Even the directions indicate you probably won’t get it right the first time…

Hopefully my shared bathroom won’t look like a massacre has taken place… Here’s hoping!

***Update: Well, I am rating it at about a 75-80% right now. It seriously DOES work. It doesn’t leak AT ALL.  But…

I had a little trouble getting it out. 😦

So much so that I had to leave it in much longer than the prescribed 12 hour limit.. until this morning. Or more like afternoon.. since I was off work.

I found myself asking Jesus to allow it to come out without having to go to something like Urgent Care to get it removed.

And without sharing too many gory details.. I ended up calling the “hot-line” number and listening to pre-recorded instructions on how to remove it.  Even though the insert reads to use your middle finger… I thought my index would would be a stronger, more limber alternative.

Also, taking me back to age 9 or so… they stressed you have to relax  as the first time may take some practice.  Boy, did this bring back some memories of my bathroom growing up!

The key to removal though was following their advice of… pretend you are pushing out a baby while you are pulling with your MIDDLE FINGER.

IT came out easily after that.  Who knew just following the prescribed directions!?

It was a “little” bit messy.. but nothing like I had imagined.

Angela was right about the “public restroom” situation. I am gonna steer clear of that until I get some good practice.

I would say though that when they want you to keep it “parallel to the floor” to keep the contents in the cup and not spill…. is really a tall order. It’s kind of just well….sliding out. And by that point, I was just happy it was.. without medical intervention!

I do like it though!  It really does work. I am on Trial #2 of it now. I am going to try and get more free ones from Ang’.  They are like $8.50 per box at Target… kinda steep for me. If you want something that you truly only have to think about once per day.. with no leakage, and you are really athletic or whatever… I have to say, this is it!  But… prepare to feel like a young woman at menarche again for a day or two! It will bring back memories!

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Revolving Door.

Remember when I wrote this in November? Psychiatry is Not Therapy?

I mentioned a woman that I know and her story of repeated and chronic psychiatric hospitalization.

I just thought I would update some since that last post. Since the newest post in my feed on this blog prompted me.

After 25 ECT (shock therapy) treatments, and nearly 16 weeks total of inpatient hospitalization over the year 2007, they just returned from another near 3-week stay.

How does this get paid for?! She hasn’t actually worked in nearly a year. Yes, she has been on long-term disability, but how long are you allowed to keep your health insurance?

How long does an employer have to keep you on the payroll without you actually doing any work so you can keep your health insurance?

Now being discharged, she is doing 6 weeks of daily partial hospitalization–three hours each day. (frankly, what Brit should be doing, but apparently is not). Again, any idea the cost of that?!

But again, my bigger question is: How can a person spend more time inside the walls of the hospital than outside of them? Isn’t the goal of the hospitalization system to get you actually living in the world as quickly as possible? I always thought this was the idea.

And if the ECT you claim has “saved your life”, then why would you need to return to the hospital for weeks—not days– and be admitted to three different units, including the ICU(described in the link above)?

And even though for them, this is likely becoming close to “normal life”, do you think it’s possible they have any idea how really atypical this is for average people? That most people don’t spend more time inside hospitals then outside.

So, in other words, the health-care system is so broken they can release Brit against the wishes of her conservators and doctors, but they can continue to admit repeatedly and keep admitted those that seem to have trouble living outside of the hospital walls.

Please, somebody tell me what is WRONG here?!!

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Class Dismissed.

A Meme about SES /Class stolen from Dr. Nicole. Hey, it’s pouring down rain, 30 MPH winds, freezing outside, just above freezing in this apartment.. and I’m overtired.. so I blog!

Meme about Class

Bold type what applies to your life.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college—in fact, she was stupid and dropped out of college to get married. Blech. She had so much potential and she threw it away.
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor–(my godfather is an attorney, does that count? I would like to add that he’s an ass, and thank God I turned 18 without both my parents dying, because I would not have wanted any guardianship ties to him—the fact that he has plenty of money or not!
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.—I had 300 of those “Little Golden Books” We used to get them at the Market.
Little Golden Books
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read books to by a parent. —(This was my sister’s job. She taught me to read).
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.–Indeed, I did. Ballet,Swimming, Piano and Violin.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18—see above.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed…. I don’t think I particularly dress or talk like anyone in particular in the media.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18–HAHAHA, oh that’s funny…
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs—-Sorry,I just blacked out for a moment, what did you say?
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs–Wait, where am I?
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp —One summer. it was okay. 1 week. But I just remember the cabin picture at the end of the week. I was SO UGLY then.I can’t believe I was let out of the house.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18—all College students.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18—Heh. I shared about this enough.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them -I did have a car at 16. It was used, I TOTALLY deserved it, and I drove it 7 years before it completely blew up in Palm Springs!
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home  They paid the mortgage, if that’s what you mean. When they sold it 2 years ago, they got 97% of the asking price. I’ve heard that never happens.
25. You had your own room as a child —  for most of it.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 
Flew to Seattle by myself when I was 13 to see an old friend. I was the coolest kid in school that fall. And then on our family vacations. Like to where I LIVE now. (I wasted so much time on vacation where I am nearly everyday).
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

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